This fuck up took place 15 years ago when I was around 11 years old. I had recently seen my father’s penis for some reason as little boys often accidentally do. It got me thinking about how small my penis was. I decided I needed to do something about this. I did some google searching and somehow learned about penis pumps.
Now, my 11 year old self didn’t really understand what this term meant. I however knew that I had a penis, which had a hole, and I had a pump. The pump I had, was a soccer ball pump. The ones with the little metal needle. Well I examined my dick hole and determined it could accept this metal object. I stuck it in, it hurt a little bit. I decided the pain would be worth it. I pushed the pump handle down and pumped air in. It inflated my urethra like a little balloon. Since I was 11, I was not an anatomy expert. The sensation gave me an erection, so I decided it must be working. I inflated again. It hurt a little this time, and now it felt like I had to pee. I wanted results though, and people always say “No pain, no game.” I pushed the handle down again. Now I really fucking had to pee.
I removed the needle and hobbled off to bathroom. The sensation had given me a full on erection, the kind where it is hard to pee. However, I really fucking had to pee. I pushed super hard for a bit until my penis started hurting. When it started hurting I decided that I didn’t want to pee anymore and tried to stop pushing but that was a really bad idea. As soon as I tried to stop, a current of blood started puttering out of my dick hole at random increments even faster than tears could come out of my eyes and screams out of my mouth. I relenquished all my sense of accuracy in those few moments in favor of bracing myself for the storm. My parents rushed to my aid and started banging on the bathroom door and demanding what I was doing. When the balloon had fully deflated, I didn’t bother flushing or washing my hands. The first thing I did was open the bathroom door to seek comfort. There was no comfort. The look of disgust on my parents’ face was one I would never forget. After all, I would have probably thrown up too if my sobbing child had tried to hug them while blood was dripping out of their dick. My dad remained a bit more stable than my mother through the whole ordeal and decided to check on the bathroom before he checked on me.
I have never heard my father curse in such anger before or after that moment. He analyzed the bathroom piece by piece, noticing urine tainted blood all over the ceiling, the toilet paper, on the medicine cabinet, the floor tiles and especially the wall adjacent to the toilet but barely any in the actual toilet.
My mom pleaded to my father to call an ambulance but we were a poor family and my father insisted that I needed to be punished for this. That same day, I had to clean up the mess that I created in the bathroom and every bathroom break I took for a few years afterwards was filled with varying levels of pain. When I moved out of my parents’ house, I decided to visit a urologist who told me I was long overdue to receive surgery. Seeing as I would have to get my weewee operated on anyways, I went a step further and had it removed to replace it with a vagina. I am now living my life as a proud trans woman so at least this story had a happy ending 🙂
TL;DR I blew up my dick and now I’m a woman.