Background: Female (ex)coworker and I always got along really well because of our shared love for the Lord of the Rings. We sent each other r/lotrmemes and gifs on Teams every day and our communication always resulted in a form of LOTR quotes. When she left to a new job, we stayed in touch but our conversations were basically just back and forth .gifs of LOTR without any semblance of actual conversation.

The prelude: at one point in our back and forth she mentioned to recently watching The Fellowship again. Since I always had a kind of attraction to her I took a chance and I asked if she wanted to watch The Two Towers together, that it was about that time of the year again anyway and that I would be down to watch it with her. She accepted and invited me to her place to watch it. I was pretty stoked.

The fuckup: at her place things were going extremely well. While watching the movie we got closed and closer and more cuddly and by the time we saw Gimli being a natural sprinter, we were making out. Things got REALLY hot really fast and I asked if we could pause the movie (I didn’t want to miss anything even though I know it by heart).
We paused it and clothes started flying. I was bare-chested and she was kissing me all over. I undid her pants and started removing her undies. I was dying to eat her out.
And then I did it. Most people familiar with LOTR will probably already start shaking their heads or cringing but yeah. As I was lowering her panties and her pussy was starting to show, I said it. “Looks like meat is back on the menu, boys”. Full on Orc voice, grunting and cheers. It was like we were IN the movie, I was that authentic. What I didn’t know was that she was super self-conscious about her admittedly large labia. And they were large. Now, I don’t mind it, but she did. And a past boyfriend of hers did too turns out. As she was crying and kicking me off of her screaming at me to get out, how I’m “just like the rest of them” I couldn’t even defend my actions. I knew I fucked up the minute I blurted it out, regardless of the size of her labia. I was hoping we could laugh it off and just go back to cuddling (or best case scenario she would jump me while making Orc sounds?) but no, there was no point but to admit defeat and leave.

I went home, put on The Two Towers where we left off and cried myself to sleep afterwards knowing that I was basically Gollum. Holding the ring for a second before being turned into volcanic mush.

TL;DR used the worst possible lotr quote while seeing a womans pussy