Okay but can we talk for a second about how fucking awesome butt cream is?

Like this shit is seriously underrated. I got psiorasis, which means my skin basically decides at some point “Like yeah, you know what we didn’t do in a while? Acting like LARGE CHUNKS OF YOUR SKIN ARE HURT. So let’s just redden that shit up to the max and produce new skin under old one which is completely unnecessary and will lead to the old skin itching and falling off in silver rains whenever you move.”

And this butt cream is practically made for wounds that aren’t really wounds yet. It calms the skin down, it’s free of parfumes (because that shit is made for baby assholes, duh) and usually made with none of the weird ass nonsense they put in just normal skin cream (which triggers allergic reactions in tons of people, by the way). The ingredient list is often a complete DIY instruction set. Searching for shit like E61536, tetaoctaglycechems, your favourite governments microchip? Nope, none here, because baby stuff is always HEAVILY REGULATED AND TESTED. The ingredient list is like calendula oil, coconut fat and some aloe vera. You could basically do it at home, but do you want to? No, because the awesome person that invented this recipe deserves some fucking credit for all the good they have been doing.

And it isn’t just great for psiorasis, nope. You know when you got an ouchy asshole from using all the rough toilet paper because the good stuff was sold out? Butt cream. Having ouchy skin after shaving your legs? Dry elbows? Butt cream. Butt cream. Mosquitoes bit you? Butt cream. Stops the itching and takes away the redness. Every single one needs baby butt cream at home, really.

And while we’re at it: Baby sun screen. Also much more heavily regulated than the stuff for grown ups. Will be better for your skin, I promise, and is usually available in higher ranges than grown up sun screen. Like fuck yeah of course I need fucking light protection factor 50. I’m white as a polar bear fresh out of the car wash.

Other people laughing at you because you’re using baby stuff? Fuck them. And fuck you in particular, Saskia, for visiting my house and getting food and shitting into my fucking toilet and then daring to make fun of me for having butt cream and baby wipes and baby sunscreen available in my bathroom. Go rub your fucking elbows with sand paper. Glad that you’re blessed with a skin that can take on just what fucking ever, but I’m not, you goddamn donkey.

Seriously, you, dear reader, and your skin deserve to be treated just as well and nicely as your baby, and you don’t deserve that fucking negativity for treating your skin well. You wanna know why people die when a good chunk of their skin is burned? Because skin is goddamn IMPORTANT. Be kind to your skin. Don’t smear stuff on it that hasn’t been through heavy testing and regulation. Put value on a short ingredient list. Google some of the stuff that you can’t identify. Inform yourself (from scientific sources please, not from Facebook posts). You’ll find that there’s lots of ingredients that are based on animals (which don’t sound like they’re based on animals), others that are the result of slave labour, and others that are overall not all that good for your health. Love your environment, love some animals, and love other people while being nice to yourself. Informed decisions is where it’s at!

Baby stuff is usually scoring very high on these points. Only assholes like Saskia give a shit about how it’s made for babies.