Before we get started, I’d like to say that you shouldn’t ever do dumb shit while jerking off, otherwise stuff like this could happen.

Today I was home alone and got horny so I decided to masturbate. I wanted to do something different this time because I was getting tired of the same old watch porn and finish.

After a while of thinking what to do, I had the brilliant idea to jerk off with IcyHot. I thought that I had the greatest idea and I had just revolutionized masturbation, I was WRONG.

I got everything ready, I pulled up some porn, I got hard and finally, I applied the IcyHot. It felt great at first. I kept going and I could feel that I was about to finish, but then my dick started to burn. I had to stop for a minute and rethink what I had done and what I was going to do. That being, FINISH. I thought that if I could finish, it might not hurt as much.

So I kept going, I was determined to nut. Nothing could stop me, not even the pain. As I got closer and closer to finishing, it hurt more and more. It felt like I was fucking a volcano. Finally, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was about to cum. Once I did immediately regretted my life choices, I cannot accurately describe the amount of pain I felt. This was the single most painful nut I have ever had.

Let me say, post nut clarity is a BITCH. My brain went from “Finally, it’s over” to “fuck fuck fuck fuck.” real fast. I now had to clean off my IcyHot covered dick. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I grabbed another napkin and started to clean my dick off. As soon as my dick made contact with the tissue, the pain came right back. I spent 3 nightmare inducing minutes wiping the IcyHot off before giving up and washing it off in the shower. I got all of it off but the damage had been done. I can kiss jerking off goodbye for at least a week. And that concludes my masterpiece of a fuck up.