“All I wanted was to be a useful engine. Useful engines always arrive on time. Useful engines follow orders.”
“And were you aware of where you were taking the people you transported?”
“I had only a vague idea sir. I knew they were prisoners. I never knew what was going to…I just…I had my orders and I followed them sir. useful engines follow orders.”
“And you never once asked about your orders? Who these people were? Where you were taking them, and why?”
“Useful engines don’t ask questions. It wasn’t my job to know. It was my job to arrive on time.”
“Did you ever consider why the carriages were full on the way there, and always empty on the way back?”
“…”
“Thomas?”
“I am around coal-powered tank engines all day, every day. I know the smell coal makes when it burns. I knew that the smoke in that place wasn’t coal.”
“And you took thousands of people there every day, for two full years?”
“Those were my orders. If I didn’t follow them I would be dead too. A useful engine always follows orders, and there was no place in the Reich for useless engines.”
“So you valued your life over the lives of the countless innocent people you carried to their deaths?”
“Do you think they would still be alive if I didn’t? Don’t you think they would have found another engine to arrive on time? Those people were dead before they even stepped on the platform. Nothing I could have done would have changed that. The only difference between me and them was that I had a choice; a choice to move forward and live, or stay put and die. I made the choice for the lowest possible number of people to die. Is self-preservation a crime?”
“If you knew what was happening, why did you agree to take the job in the first place?”
“You think I knew then? All anyone knew then was that things were better than they had been. The trains were running on time and if you didn’t ask too many questions you could have a good life. We were still confident that victory was on the horizon. I only found out what was going on when it was too late for me to say no. There were no choices left for me then – move forward or stay put; live or die.”
“Why do you think you were given the job you were given? Why not transporting troops or supplies to the front? What do you think they saw in you that made you suitable?”
“I was never their first choice! The Allies had bombed the Reich’s infrastructure to smithereens, there was nobody else left. You bombed Herr Gordon, Herr James, Herr Percy. They chose me because they had to choose someone and their first choices were all dead.”
“So you were the last resort?”
“Everyone else was gone. I only survived because I kept my head down and followed orders, like a useful engine should.”
“So if you were truly the last engine they could call upon, you could have saved those people?”
“What? I never said that. What are talking about? They were already dead, all I could do was follow my orders.”
“And if you refused to follow them, there was nobody left to replace you?”
“…”
“Is that not what you said Thomas? You were never the first choice? Everyone else was gone? Move forward or stay put, and you chose to go forward?”
“…Useful engines follow orders and arrive on time.”
“And it didn’t matter what you were useful for, as long as you were useful for something?”
“Useful engines follow orders.”
“Was it useful for the people you carried to the camp?”
“…”
“Thomas?”
“You would have done the same. You all would.”
“I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?”
“The only difference between you and I, sir, is that I can see the tracks I follow. If you were on the tracks, you’d have followed them too.”
“Do you regret what you did?”
“…”
“Thomas? Do you regret it?”
“…I see those gates every time I close my eyes. Every time I sleep I hear the crying children and smell the…”
“The crying children, Thomas.”
“…”
“Do you still feel like useful engine now, Thomas, because you followed orders and arrived on time?”
“…”
“Thomas?”
“Kill me or let me go. You punish me either way. I can only follow the tracks, I don’t get to decide where they lead.”