be me
19 years old, in college, living in a small dorm
I work at McDonald’s but I’m a rapper in my spare time
I’m working on my first album for release, experimented with songs now and then though
anyway
one day I wanna play some mario games, I turn on the tv and get out this old super nintendo
pop in my cartridge, turn on the tv, ready to go
knock on the door
momsspaghetti.jpg
its my idiot roommate
the guy’s name is kevin but he insists everyone calls him “emula”
he’s always blabbering on about the most random shit
he’ll sometimes say he has “insemula” and that he “gots a mog”
shit like that, he just makes up random words and phrases
motherfucker also thinks he invented the toilet
this absolute cuck also hates it whenever I play or talk about mario at all
he stomps over to the TV where the little 8-bit theme is playing
rips the cable out for the speaker
turns off the tv and pulls my cartridge out forcefully
I stand up
‘kevin what the fuck’
he starts breathing heavily, probably because I didn’t call him fucking emula
“YOU WANNA PLAY WITH YOUR MARIO GAMES?” he booms
“I GOT A BIG RAIMS IS A BIG TAIMS!” for each nonsensical word he holds up his fists at me
starts hopping back and forth like an idiot
“dude I just wanted to play some mario” I say flatly
uh oh, kevin does not like this
he SCREAMS, full neckbeard hormones raging
“YOU WANNA PLAY WITH GABARIO?”
punches me in the shoulder
dude’s big so it really stings
think he might have dislocated it
“ALL THE LADIES WANT ME!”
he hits me again in the chest and I take a sharp breath in, no blood though
“SEE, YOU GET ONE PRINCESS BUT I GET ALL THE OTHERS! YOU’RE GONNA BE A SUCKA!”
hits me one more time, right across the face with his big sweaty hand
nose starts bleeding and I bite my lip
he hops onto his skateboard
“I’m going to the big town like the big brown”
skates away like the top boy tony hawk
mfw been drinking to forget about today’s run in
mfw writing this in the club
mfw I’m t-dub