Once I called my boss inbetween vicious attacks of diarrhea and vicious stomach cramps. She asked me why I want coming into work in a very aggressive and accusatory manner. Rather than reply in words what was wrong I relaxed my core muscles, which could only be described as holding back Satan’s floodgates. Immediately my body weight of hot napalm liquid was released into the bowl in scenes reminiscent of a land slide. What surprised me was the sound of it, like a fog horn in the middle of a monsoon. That was the most relieving shit in my life, not only did I get immediate relief from my stomach cramps but the shocked silence to be followed by “.. ok” was truly satisfying