The purpose of this post is to address the improper use of urinal no. 5 in the boys washroom outside the South Gym. Although the facilities themselves are the site of many controversies (including, but not limited to, the use of electronic vape pens), urinal 5 from left to right is notorious for its dark secrets. Urinal no. 5 is one of the most popular urinals, second only to urinal no. 1 in the inside corner of the washroom. Because of its tactical positioning next to the stall, delinquents will perform illicit activities in this area as they can easily hide from the entrance’s line of sight. Circa. 11 AM today, a medium-sized fecal sample was left in urinal no. 5. The defecation was conical in shape, similar to cartoon depictions, suggesting the culprit was in a rush when performing his (or her???) deed. If the position of urinal no. 5 can be exploited to such an extent, it won’t be long until someone discovers even worse objects within its confines.