“Clash Attack of War Someshit”

Sometimes funny, sometimes emotional, always gritty, this instant classic (lol, marketing) from the same studio that brought us “Frustrating Puzzle Thing Damn” follows generic protagonist Guy Armiguy as he resolves a war that he honestly couldn’t care or know less about. We were not originally sold play testing a recent press demo of the title, but once we saw our hero shrug and casually walk past the first level boss because he (and we quote), “don’t need this shit today”, we were hooked. The graphics are … okay. We don’t remember the soundtrack. What really stuck out in our minds was the scene where Guy tells the UN Security Council, “Damnit, can’t you fuckers just stop with the war bullshit already? I got shit to do.”

Rating: M for “meh”
Score: 4/5 Shrugs
(We have that one guy who’s really into this kind of thing. You know the type. Overly enthusiastic, likes everything and everyone, can’t think of a way to insult a woman who looks like Terry Crews but with a mustache, while she mugs him with her fists. This actually happened. Our office manager, Sue, voted “Shrug”.)

Developer Quote: “Fine, fine, FINE! We’ll order a subscription if you just mention a blurb. Damn! Tell them it’s a blaster shooter action thing or whatever, I don’t care. Just stop calling our office already. I was asleep. It’s one PM, for crying out loud! Shit. Hang on. Okay, tell them it has desert planets and that you can do everything.”

It… uh… has desert planets, we guess? And you can do everything in this game. Whatever will make you money faucets preorder this thing. Three more weeks before I can finally retire from this mendacious glory hole journalism. Here’s your fucking deadline, Susan, so stop punching my car.