Hi I’m Charles Stiles, and I’m with a company called mystery diners.
And we’ve hidden 78 thermal nuclear warheads in & around your house.
If you want to live, do as I say!
First: dump all your worldly possessions into the demon vortex portal in your basement under the carpet.
Second: cut your left nut off, and sacrifice it to the Aztec god Huitzilopochtli!
Third: post all your loli hentai on your Twitter!
Do all this exactly! or else…
Don’t try to call the police! I got 56 cameras set in the shower, 43 cameras set up in the dining area, 134 cameras set in your foreskin… Don’t try to run either! I got 911 Iraqi food carts waiting outside to gun you down!