“This is Ben Dover to Wright-Patterson AFB, I am piloting a VC-25A callsign Air Force One, and we are declaring a national emergency as we have just been struck down by an A10 Warthog using dildo missiles and a minigun filled with hot dogs.”

“Wright-Patterson ATC to Air Force One, have you tried turning it off and back on?”

“Can confirm that it did not work, as the A10 fired the hot dogs into our engines.”

“Alright, looks like we’ve exhausted our ability to help you, may God save your souls.”