As I exited my vehicle to walk to work, I caught scent of a female in a heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog, I couldn’t see her yet, but judging by the scent, she was mid twenties and healthy. My ultra, attuned hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery. Was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog, still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground, I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with her BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice, I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my egschakras into vastus medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance I exploded forward in a cataclysmic in a sex hormone fueled rage. 2.54 nanoseconds later, I began to phase through thine and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target, I nutted directly into both of her fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 lightyears later I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed, that she was already dead and gone having raised my Chad progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the celestial abyss of the greater crab nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You’re welcome gentleman.

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