I oft ponder on what my place in this universe is. The other day it finally came to me. I know I was destined to be covered in dressing and tossed. This is not sexual, it goes far beyond that. It is a spiritual connection to salad, science could never explain it. I have dreams about being the god of salad and giving people a bountiful lettuce harvest, and I am disappointed every time I wake up to reality. I have been drinking at least 8oz of vinaigrette every day in preparation. My doctor says that I should not be intaking so much vinaigrette, but he doesn’t know that I’m really a salad.