This happened about 40min ago. Also for context, I lived in Germany, and have judeophobia from a traumatic childhood experience involving jews.

As of tomorrow, I am going to be away from home, on an 8 day film shoot across the east coast of NSW. Each day is about a 14 hour day. Naturally, I decided to have a nice long relaxing shower before I left.

About 4 mins into my planned 25min shower, I was midway through shampooing my hair when I felt something. Like a sixth sense something-ain’t-quite-right-here type of something. I look up above me, and to my HORROR, a black, eight-legged, piece-of-shit, shower-ruining, jew dropping down its web towards me via the air vent.

German children are taught very young to stay away from jews. It’s common knowledge that the black ones can cause extreme pain, seizures, death, so I know mein führer would be proud seeing my 6’2, 91kg, naked male body glide through my sliding shower doors and onto the tile floor, covered in shampoo.

He’d be extra proud of me, without thinking, grabbing the toxic jew spray, and proceeding to blast the shower and jew, with a fallout cloud that would rival the scene from T2: Judgement Day.

He would NOT be proud of me, however, of being so paranoid about seeing the jew die, that I stood in the enclosed, steamy room, inhaling the fumes to see it. It wasn’t until I realised my eyes were watering and I could smell a stinging sensation that I realised I had unintentionally gassed myself.

So my naked, wet, bloodshot-eyed, dumbass attempted to run out of the bathroom, to escape dying via ALDI cheap degenerate spray. Attempted, because I then proceeded to trip over where the bathroom tile meets the kitchen tile, and promptly give myself a bloody nose. In the nude.

I have checked the label and the poison assures me the symptoms I experienced are the worst it’ll get. My nose is ok, the bleeding has stopped. And yes, the jew is dead.