I once owned a great shirt that was red. It was a t-shirt of my favorite sports team. Well my wife did my laundry one day and somehow someway, my comfortable red t-shirt came out of the wash a seemingly less comfortable pink t-shirt.

One, I was pissed that my favorite shirt from my favorite team was ruined. Two, it caused an argument about the common sense of bleach, whites, and a bright vibrant red shirt. Basically she said I was overreacting and to just wear the shirt. 

One day I wore it to do some projects out back of my house in my wood shop. I was working on some custom molding for our house when my friend Sanders came by. He walks in and let’s out a boisterous laugh. “Hahahahaha!!!” He goes on pointing and laughing.. Asking me why I was wearing a women’s pink shirt.. Calling me derogatory names like rump ranger and pillow biter.. Basically being a real jerk. 

I quickly tried to change the subject, and was showing off my projects in the wood shop. As I was doing this he kept poking me in the butt and back and calling me names, calling me fa**ot, and jokingly asking If i wanted to “make out or something”. All of this over a freaking pink shirt. I was hurt.

Here’s why I say Yes, pink makes you gay. One of the times he poked me as I was turning around and he accidentally poked me in my crotch. I immediately got rock hard, and he noticed! He started saying “oh first a pink shirt and now a boner?” and like laughing and carrying on loudly. Mind you we were in the wood shed, and my wife and neighbors were inside my house. I was SO afraid they’d hear him being so rude and crude. I had to take matters into my own hands. I told him to quiet down and shut up. He only got louder. Finally I took a piece of molding I was working on and swung it very hard at the back of his legs. He immediately drops to his knees in agony, and almost instinctively I whip out my raging erection and cram it in his mouth. I said “maybe this will shut you up!!” He ended up blowing me in that wood shop right then and there and I finished on his face.

Afterwords he goes, “see, that shirt makes you look queer”..

I don’t know what to think now, but I promise you this, I am NEVER wearing pink again. Ever.

I threw away my shirt, and my wife asked me why. I don’t know what to tell my wife, but I don’t even find myself attracted to her now after that experience.