Did you know Donald Trump actually has real hair!!!??? I couldn’t believe it myself, but it only makes sense that America’s savior would ACTUALLY have REAL hair!! Blessed be Mr. Trump, the man who will make all the mexicans go home. This one time at my job, a mexican came in and asked for an application. I laughed really loud (like AHAHAHAHA) in his face and said, “Sorry, I don’t speako the mexicano friendo.” He got real mad and told me to “Fuck off and die.” It’s a good thing I only speak American, or else I might have been offended if I understood him. But thank BASED TRUMP that I am a straight, white man, capable of great understanding and am not one of those racist pricks. I mean, I have loads of black friends (they even let me say the N-Word!), and Asians, too. When Mr. Trump becomes president, we can all rest well at night knowing that we will have our jobs given back to the rightful owners of this once great, and soon to be great again, country… the WHITE MAN. Down with women, too. I can never get any, so they are definitlely bad. This one time, a girl called me a nerd loser, so I slapped her in the face. She started crying and told on me, what a bitch, amirite? I got suspended from my high school anarchy club, and even high school itself, and had to go to a sort of social reform school. I tried to kill myself there, so my parents sent me to a mental hospital. I’m not crazy though!!! Promise!!! Bless our father and savior, Donald Trump, for making America Great Again.