Ha! Once you’re 50+ years old and have a tool belt, the best place to date women is Home Depot. Women just walk around in there looking for horny bastards (me) to come over and fix their shit.

I usually just float around the return desk. You can get some good deals on divorced women. Just look for the ones holding a faucet or P trap. They’re the worst. I just walk up to them and say “I’d fix that for a home cooked meal and a look at that ass”!

They even have a dating desk right as you go in the door! That old guy in the orange vest directing people to what area they need to get parts? Every Monday I bring him a large coffee and 2 donuts. When some 50+ year old woman asks “do you know anything about……?” he says “hey! It’s your lucky day! My friend Jim (who just happens to be there…me) is retired and knows all about that!!”.

I’ve been fully retired and semi married for 3 years now! New wife every 3-5 days. The only men I talk to anymore are my viagra doctor and the guy at the front desk at Home Depot. I’m getting to the point where I’m gonna have to hire an ugly high school kid to do the work because all the home cooked meals I can barely fit under the sink! If I can’t screw that weight off, nobody can!