Hairy armpits can be just as cute as bald ones.

I’m a girl with a penchant for hairy things: eyebrows, heads, faces (on boys, but also, do what you want). I’m also a girl with a penchant for being a lazy fuck, particularly when the activity I’m trying to avoid involves razors and itching. And thus: I have ended up with apolitical hairy armpits.

I am a feminist, obviously, but I don’t think bald-armpitted girls are not. I don’t shave my armpits, mostly because I think they look much cuter covered in fluff, but I do shave my legs. I mean, the whole thing is just a nightmare: how much am I making aesthetic decisions to please myself versus society, am I just a drone, who is making my choices for me, etc, etc. Trying to navigate it all is so complicated, and I don’t feel qualified to tell anyone what to do. As much as I want to think I’m free and unconstrained in my choices, I can’t in good faith say that’s totally true. But I’m trying, so that’s something… or something.


Anyway: armpits. They’re kind of trendy right now, so I can’t be sure my decision to let mine be wild and free is any sort of proper “rebellion.” It’s like that Franny and Zooey quote about how being self-consciously different is just another kind of conformity or something, right? Actually I’ll look it up. Yes, see: “Everything everybody does is so — I don’t know — not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless and — sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you’re conforming just as much only in a different way.”

Who would have thought I’d get a Salinger quote into an article about armpit beauty? Truly, sometimes I amaze myself. OK.

I sent this to my boyfriend as a “sext.” He replied, ‘I’m indifferent to armpits.’ Alright then.
I sent this to my boyfriend as a “sext.” He replied, ‘I’m indifferent to armpits.’ Alright then.
Motives aside, lets focus on the task in hand: how to get hairy and pretty armpits. When you first “start growing” (stop shaving), things won’t look great. First will be the “armpit covered in what looks like blackheads” stage, which passes quickly. But then you enter Stubbletown — population: you — which is spiky and un-cute. Power through, though, because things will get exponentially cuter from here.

If you want to bypass Stubbletown faster, you could use some sort of growth treatment on the pitz. I’m skeptical on the efficacy of these products, but stuff like castor oil will, at the very least, hydrate (and I do think it has done something to my eyebrows), which is no bad hair thing, particularly when that hair is literally and scientifically (maybe) the same texture as pubes.

When I first earned my stripes (hairs), the hair patch was very small and in the center of my armpit zone. It looked quite weird, but also I didn’t really care. The more I’ve got into it, the bigger and better the patch has become, so if you think yours are looking a bit pathetic, persevere. Or don’t. /whatever. Just do what you want, is my point, if I have a point at all.