Ass eatin is an art. It takes real creativity to get into it.

First: the ass to be devoured needs to be generally hygienic. If the ass is the kind of person who picks up a pair of pants you’ve already worn once or twice this week, gives the crotch a smell test, then put em on yet again — that’s a nasty-ass person and they should not be dined upon.

Next: if the entree ass doesn’t know how to shower — specifically, they only soap the left pit, right pit, crotch, rinse, get out — then that’s an ineligible ass.

Finally: you gotta get the engines warmed up before you pop the trunk. Everybody needs to already be hot and bothered before you go down to the basement for an ass buffet. You can’t just rush into the ass like a bull in a China shop. Also: don’t eat the ass forever. Unless you use grape jelly or syrup, few people are gonna nut from ass eating alone. Just use it as a supplement for the overall package. If this is a woman’s ass you’re eating — *don’t cross the streams! That would be bad!* If the vagoo is being consumed, ass is off the menu. Don’t be like Olive Garden and offer ass on the menu everyday either. Think of it like a McRib or Pumpkin Spice – gets old fast, but the desire and anticipation makes it fresh again.

Oh and be respectful: it’s still ass. Don’t be trying to kiss and suck titties with your booty mouth afterwards. Consider all open-mouth operations complete. Just get to the fuckin or whatever y’all are into.